How to Jazz Up Your Relationship after Having a Baby
A woman's journey to motherhood is littered with well-meaning suggestions, pieces of advice, and life hacks. But like most things in life, you haven't learned it until you've done it yourself. The same goes for pregnancy. You may be hearing a ton of stuff about how having a baby will turn your life upside down. The one thing that tops the list is - “Your life as a couple ends here. From now on, you will only be a mom and a dad.” You shrug this thought away, but you do feel a little scared.
Chances are you've been nodding your head vigorously through all of these conversations. You might even believe some of these, but for the most part, you trust your instincts to help you glide through this life change as they have always done. If you've been doing this, we want to congratulate you on your fortitude; something that most people tend to give up during trying times.
The truth is, new moms, tell us they never imagined how significant a change bringing a baby into your life is going to be. No one can prepare you for it. Sometimes your life does feel like it has come unhinged. You are a soup of hormones, overwhelmingly happy and too sleep-deprived. Naturally, all of these things, coupled with the lack of intimacy between you and your partner, can bring marital dissatisfaction. But it doesn't have to be that way.
The idea that babies do and should become our whole worlds after their arrival is handed down to us from our parents. It's time we broke out of this mould. Here are a few tips to rekindle and get closer to your partner once again.
1: Understand that this is hard for both of you
Often, women feel the brunt of going through pregnancy is majorly borne out by them. This is because we go through massive physical and emotional changes throughout the maternity period, making us feel we are in it alone or doing most of the heavy lifting. At the same time, our partners just sit and watch. This can bring a lot of ill will between a couple. The sooner you recognize that your partner's life too is turned upside down with the coming of a baby, the better it will be for both of you. Think of parenthood as teamwork, and you will start to bridge the gap between yourselves.
2. Find out time to connect with each other
All the baby talk has made you forget how to talk like adults. You find yourself using the same cooing voice when talking to your significant other. It's nobody's fault, but it has to stop. Really. It's cute only in 18-year-old teenagers. Make time for each other to talk about non-baby things. Many couples say it helps to create a strictly couple space with no baby things around. It could be a small space but what's important is that it offers the two of you to come out of your parent roles and enjoy the company of each other like you used to before babies came along.
3. Don't interfere with your partner's parenting style
Moms like to micromanage. Because we are so tuned into the babies' needs before they can speak, we automatically believe we know what's best for them. All this is great and quite necessary till you don't intrude on how your partner chooses to raise your baby.
This advice seems so straightforward but is often a bone of contention between couples. Remember, there is no right or wrong way of parenting. The only thing you can be sure of is that you will make mistakes as parents, and that's okay. Try not to impose your preferences on your partner, and you'll be happier for it.
4. Think about sex
Time for the real talk. Did you think any piece on finding marital bliss could end without a column enforcing the necessity of sex between couples? For most couples, emotional love translates as sex. Childbirth may have rendered your body unrecognizable to you but, trust us, you are beautiful. You need to own up to that. Maybe sexy time is the last thing you guys have on your mind, but we suggest you start now. Because the further away you get from it, the more difficult it will be to reconnect with your body and your partner.
Sex needn't be the perfect little thing it was before. You don't need to finish it even. What matters most is trying. To get rid of the inhibitions and try to bridge the gap between you two. You may even end up talking instead of having sex. But it will be a good talk, and it will bring you closer.
We guarantee you if you keep these tips in mind, marital stress won't even be a problem, and you'll breeze through this tumultuous time without thinking twice. We wish you all the best in your endeavors!